The Past Few Weeks

Well, it's been almost two weeks since the surgery.  While the doctors and nurses I've seen at my post-op appointments have been numerous in their praises on how well I look and how well I'm doing- I don't feel anywhere near like I'm doing good or looking well.  Let's face it - I feel like crap.  Crap that's been run over a few hundred times. I spend about 20 hours (if not longer) sleeping, having someone wake me up every 4 hours to gag down the 2 most vile medications on the planet, given something to drink, and off to lala land I go.  That describes roughly the last 11 days.  With the occasional shower (granted to me by my doctor 8 long days after the surgery).

This has definitely been the worst experience of my life.  It has been painful, tiring, and down right miserable.  I would not recommend it to anyone.  For those who have gone through it and survived (because, right now it feels like a toss up to me), I commend you.  You have made it through hell and back!  Congrats!  While my doctor is sympathetic to the misery, he does say I will still be miserable for another few weeks. Talk about squashing the small inkling of hope that this torture would only go on for another few days.  So, as I sit here sipping my tea and being grateful that I can eat some oatmeal in the morning, I am needing words of encouragement that months down the road this will all be worth it.  This has all happened for a reason and when this has passed I may know what that reason was.  I don't feel very strong, yet God doesn't give you more than you can handle.  I think in my case, this was more than everyone bargained for.  Let the misery continue!

The Pain in the Head

Bi-lateral temporalmandibular replacement occured on Monday, February 13th.  I was scheduled to go in to the hospital at 7:30 am.  We arrived at the correct time but were given the news that the operating room would not be ready at the 9:00 time and was pushed off until 11.  At 11:15 I was taken back, asked another million questions and promptly knocked out.  Surgery lasted 8 hours.  I awoke close to 9:00 pm still in recovery with my husband and parents by my side. It took another 3 hours to get a room.

I could never explain to someone the excruiating amount of pain I have been in.  I have no muscle movement of my entire left side.  My eye doesn't blink, the forehead doesn't move, and my lips are so swollen, I can hardly drink.  I have been wired shut which is completely scraping away the inside of my lips.  Everything is swollen.  I don't resemble myself at all and I look hideous.  Brad says I only look a little worse than my previous pictures but I think he needs to wear his glasses when he looks at me. I have lost 7 pounds since Monday.  An extreme amount of weight in such a short time. 

I don't do much.  Sleep is mostly what I've been doing. My mom is being a great medicine nazi.  No pain meds unless I have a little something in my stomach.  Bleh!  Everything makes me gag.  The antibiotics and pain meds are liquid and the taste is horrendous, yet 4 times a day one or both of them are given to me.  I hurt so much it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  It's there, just out of reach for the moment. 

The kids are afraid to look at me.  I don't blame them.  There's nothing like a real-life horror movie to look at.  Here are a few pics from recovery. Please be advised I do not look anywhere near my best.




Still in recovery



Still in recovery



Today - Friday, Feb. 17

                                                                                        



Changing bandages in the room




The left side was the most complicated



Just A Few More Days

It seems like the 5 weeks since my original surgery date just flew by.  And now, here we are just a few days away.  It seems like I have nothing done.  With 4 kids there will always be plenty to keep us busy but the last few days I seem to be falling further and further behind.  I still haven't created a meal menu for my mom, I have 5 loads of laundry still to fold, the little ones' bedroom to clean (AGAIN!), grocery shopping for the next few weeks, a basketball game, a tornado, I mean kitchen, to clean, carpets to shampoo, sheets to wash.... the list goes on and on.  However, I did manage to clean out the car.  I don't want to come home in a dirty car. This is probably the first time in my life I wish I had a magic lamp to rub.  I could really use three free wishes. 

What I need to remember for my last day home (we're leaving Sunday) is how much I'm going to miss my little lovies:

Madison (8), our bright shining star who loves to read, draw and be a helper to those around her.

       

Cameron (7), our only boy, who loves sports, video games and torturing ALL the girls in his life!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

 Megan (5), the one with the sweet disposition, who loves playing dress up and house.  After her 3 month battle with pneumonia last year, we try not to take for granted all she brings to our lives.                               

Katelyn (4), the boss of the family. She gets her way more often than not, but she's cute, so we let her!

    

And last, but not least, Brad.  He's been with me through good times and bad. He's driven me countless times to and from the hospitals, dispensed liquid medication, refilled my ice packs and listened to my complaints.  Thanks honey for everything you do!

A day in Oakland

I had my pre-op in Oakland today.  I guess it wouldn't do me any good to say I went in and out of there just fine- because I didn't.  It was a stressful appointment, but it cleared up some of what the procedure will be like and the recovery.  For my benefit, the doc also drew the incision lines just so I would have an idea of what they might look like.

For the procedure- it will take about 7 hours.  I will be wired shut and will wake with a 50/50 chance of still being wired.  This depends on how "floppy" my new joints are at first.  Two incisions will be made (I'll show the pic of it below): one at the ear and one at the base of the jaw line (or the double chin area).  The ball and socket joints (or more accurately- what's left of them) will be cut out and the new fossa and condyle (ball and socket) implants will be inserted through the two incisions and drilled into the skull and the lower jaw bones.  Approximately 15 screws per side.  This in a nutshell takes about 7 hours.

Recovery will be painful at the incision sites and from the "massive" swelling.  When the doc uses words such as massive, brutal and horrendous, it kinda scares me. We're used to the swelling portion of the whole deal.  I swell up quite regularly in my cheeks and chin area especially when the pain is really bad (see pic below for the double/triple chin swelling I have today).  If I'm not wired, I will need to start working my mouth as much as possible even through the pain.  No pain, no gain- right?  Diet starts as liquid and increases from there.  Soup broth, ensure, runny milkshakes then on to scrambled eggs, oatmeal, real soup, etc.  Anyone want to join me on the "Let's lose 15 pounds Diet"?? I've said this before, and I'll say it again - I don't like liquid diets!

I went to pick up the kids from school after my appointment and Madison and Cameron thought my new face tatoo was awesome!  Megan didn't like it because it was scary and I don't think Katelyn ever noticed it.  Either way, it's going to be a lot more real in 12 days. 

Incision lines- will be a little longer on the lower portion but overall pretty close.  When measured these marks are 4 inches.  The real deal will be about 5 inches in total length - per side = 10 inces of incision.

Maddie was kind enough to take a "fat face" shot for me.  Then she offered to go start a hot bath for me- to see if it would help me feel better.  Love that girl!